Hopelessly Wrecked

It's been a while since I've blogged...life became insanely out of control. I blame it mostly on my lack of time on my face before Daddy God...it always seems to bring life back into line. We (I) tend to get so caught up in what's going on that we (I) forget that time with Papa is essential to life as a christian. When I needed to be on my face the most is when it became the hardest for me to get there...that and I carry a lot of baggage that I'm learning to let go of, but which the enemy uses as a distraction. I've had enough of the distractions. What the enemy doesn't know is that the sleeping giant has been slowly waking up and is ready for battle. No longer will I allow people, situations, baggage, work, etc to distract me from my quiet time. I have a call on my life and it is NOT to live an average christian life. I want to encourage you to fall on your knees, your face before God and allow Him to fully wreck your life. That's the prayer for my life that He would use me, break me, and wreck me for Him and His Glory...I want to be hopelessly wrecked for Him. I want to be soaked in His presence daily. He keeps telling me over and over again that He loves you. Regardless of what, who, and why He loves you unconditionally, limitlessly...He just wants you to spend time with Him...even if it's a moment each day...He desires that moment...cherishes it. We should desire and cherish it too. Become hopelessly wrecked for Daddy God.

Be Real

After some recent conversations with a couple different friends, it's hit me that Christians aren't real with each other. We hide the fact we struggle with things, because we don't want to be judge or have our business spread. This is not how it should be. Christians are supposed to lift each other up. We're not supposed to condemn, but love."This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." John 15:12.  Gossip is something we're supposed to avoid. Yet we don't. If someone is brave enough to come to us with their struggle, we tell someone else in a way that sounds like we're saying it as a prayer request. "Girl, so-and-so needs prayer. They're..." God is not pleased with that. Just like we're supposed to stand out against the world. "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God" Romans 12:2. It's no wonder people in the world do not want to be part of Christianity. What good are we showing them? We gossip, are money hungry, have no real standards, and hurt each other. Yes, we're human but that doesn't mean we aren't called to a standard. As Christians we're suppose to show God's love to the world and live set apart. Yet continually we live in the world...accepting the standards set by the world. We're supposed to set the standard and hold to morals. I'm not writing this to condemn but to make you think and check your actions. I know I'm guilty of doing things I know I shouldn't...but I keep pressing towards the goal. I want the world to see God through me. So I'm beginning to change things...it's a process and not an easy one. But one I'm determined to work at every day. I challenge you to join me...think about your action before you do it. Change the world for Christ.

Can These Dry Bones Live?

Ok. So over the course of my life I have been on the mountain top and in the valley. I've also been in the desert. The desert is not a fun place....but I know God had a purpose for me walking through the desert. For a long time, I wandered through the desert like the Israelites...I was distracted by the things the world was offering. I would get back on track but then something shiny would come by and I'd lose focus. In the past couple of years, I've really felt a change in my focus. It's been a slow refocusing. And lately, I really feel that I'm standing on the edge of the desert (about time!). It's like I know I'm going to step into what God has for me soon. Over and over again, I keep hearing will these dry bones live again. So I finally called the Bible expert...a.k.a. Nance or my grandma. She told me where to find it in the scriptures. So I finally found Ezekiel 37. Ezekiel is lead to this valley of dry, dead bones. God asks him "Can these dry bones live again?" To which Ezekiel said "Only You know Lord." After that God told Ezekiel to prophesy life into the bones. When Ezekiel begin to speak to the bones telling them to grow muscles and connect together, the whole valley of dry bones begin to grow muscles and be put back together. Then God told him to speak to the winds and command it to breathe life in to the bones. So he did. And the wind came and put the breath of life into the bones. This is exactly where I am in life. My bones...my spirit man has been in the desert and dry for way too long. It's time for me to speak life to my bones. To become saturated with the breath of God. No more dry bones. I want to be full of God...full of His love. My prayer is that I become so saturated with God. I don't want to be a Christian who lives life with standards of the world. God hasn't called us to be that kind of Christian. We're called to stand apart. The Bible even tells us to be in the world but not of it. Too much these days, we're so worried about being politically correct or we're afraid of what someone's going to say. Well I don't care anymore! It's time for us to become saturated with God and not just on Sundays. Speak to your dry bones...whatever areas you've been lacking God...don't stay dry anymore. This is not easy. Satan will come against you. He tries to come against me all the time. But i'm determined...stubborn for God. No more dry bones!!

I'm praying for you.

New to blogging...

So I'm a new blogger. I'm excited about it. I feel like God's going to use me through this blog to reach somebody. So be patient with me as I begin my blog. Feel free to leave comments. I'm going to post some things I have already written and had on Facebook. I feel like they need to be on here too.

God Bless!

Walk by faith

walk by faith

so lately i've been in such a spiritual warfare...and it's really just hit me how i was allowing satan to win. I had given up...had hit rock bottom...sometimes that's what it takes....completely hitting rock bottom before we realize we have to change...that something has to give. I walked out on everything i believed because i couldn't SEE God moving instead of standing on FAITH. So many times we feel like we have to see Him move in order to have the faith that He is there. But really this is when our faith is what we should be relying on...if we FEEL we have to see God moving we are in reality relying on our feelings....which will get us nowhere...relying on feelings will just cause us to get farther and farther away from using our faith...farther and farther into a pit...God even tells us in 2 Corinthians 5:7 to walk by faith not by sight. This became real to me as i was sitting here listening to a Jeremy Camp dvd...he talks about his song "Walk by Faith" and how he questioned God over and over about why his wife wasn't healed...why she had to die..and God spoke to him and told him that He didn't want to tell me b/c then Jeremy wouldn't be using his faith...sometimes when we are in the middle of a storm we ask God why...and he just wants us to use our faith...to build it and make it stronger...sometimes we don't need to know why...

Satan using our feelings against us...our emotions are so up and down...but God loves us no matter how we feel...we need to trust him...we need to walk by faith...

2 random writings

These are part of things I had written before this blog.


1. Running, looking
everywhere but to You
Trying to find a way to
fill this hole
Knowing deep that
there's only 1 True Way
Terrified of the call
that resounds deep in me
Never quit ringing
no matter the distance
You never stopped loving
no matter the choice
Stopping, Turning
Surrendering, both arms up
Ready to step on the path


2. Tossed by the storms of life
never knowing which end is up
looking for love in all the wrong places
finding comfort in random faces
just to be crushed and
broken like a flower in winter
only to rise again in spring
with a strength found
only in the Maker
becoming a beautiful bloom.

Beach Thoughts

lately I've been facing one storm after another until they've become one giant one...i begin to question God why...why me...why do I have to face this and give up that....but sitting here @ the beach I'm watching the waves...God's like finally u r still...He began to remind me that He created the waves...He gave them their strength and power...and while He was doing that He was laying out His plan for me...that He knew me before He created the waves...and that it's not for me to know right now...this is a time when I have to walk by faith even though I can't see what's ahead or the end of the storm...it's a time to sharpen my faith while being absolutely broken before Him...so HE can rebuild me from the foundation up...to become the creation HE designed me to be...such a humbling thought...just know that when it seems the storms of life r going to overtake u that God's got u...He created u and knew what u would face...it's a time to grow u and shape u into what He wants...

My Story

The writing below is my testimony...this is part of my journey...


lil girl full of life
laughing, loving, always a smile
soon anger, bitterness and hatred took over
questioned “why so much anger lil girl?”
can’t tell my secret
so buried it deep
never to be talked about
years go by and more secrets fill the lil girl who’s trapped in a woman’s body
finding quasi-peace in arms and bottles
the shape of her body draws like honey
bringing hornets to the nest
heart hardened to words and actions
walls so high nobody dared climb
hoping for a life preserver to be tossed her way
little did she know God had begun to work
slowly unweaving the tangle that had become heart and life
one day secret pops out
how childhood innocence was stolen
by a wolf in sheep’s clothing
hardened heart becomes softer
opening the door for healing
feeling freedom
still moments of anger
but keeping her eyes on the goal
refusing to go back
no matter how bad the flesh rises
peace and joy flood the soul
which has been awakened by the stirrings of God
visions of the call resound deep within
prayer, quiet time and Jesus
replaced bottles and arms
preparing this heart for what lies ahead
filling it with forgiveness and
love
for the one who scarred her cause there was One who was scarred for her...

Broken

Broken
Picking up the pieces
Of a past so shattered and dark
Holding the fragments of a heart
Of a memory
Offering them to You
God put me back together
As you would have
Praising in spite of the storm
Refusing to allow the bondage
The anger and frustration to
Control a life
That has been bought with a price
The call is too great to give in
Come too far
Worship spills out
To a God I can't see
But feel
Only You know the cost of my praise
From a broken heart

Dancing Like A Child

So this past weekend I was able to go to Atlanta to see my brother and his girlfriend. The weekend was awesome. I got to see Atlanta and hang out with them. On Sunday, they took me to a church they've been visiting and considering calling home. From the moment we walked in, we could literally feel/smell the presence of God. There were people everywhere...hardly anybody was in their seats. There were people in the aisle, along the walls, in the back open areas, and up front around the "stage" area...all were worshiping...some were dancing, signing, etc. This is not unusual to me that churches allow this...but it has been so long since i've been in a service where God was in complete control and allowed to visit and His people just waded in it. Worship was the longest part of the service...but it was amazing. God was allowed total freedom...there were no time constraints or limitations...He moved freely among His people who came together to solely worship Him. He and I had a good time...lol. At the end of it, the worship band was still playing and people were still out in the aisles...more had gathered up front. In the midst of the people gathered upfront were 2 little girls dancing before their King...there was also a young girl who appeared to have Down Syndrome...they were all dancing...freely and uninhibited...their worship touched every person in that place...while I was watching them and crying from the joy and God's presence the thought of "why isn't it like this every time His worshippers gather together? why don't we dance and worship freely? Uninhibited like a child?" His word tells us to have faith like a child...so why shouldn't our worship be childlike?